It gets better in a worse way...

Allow me to apply what we have learned from our extended and ever improving baseball analogy.

Two weeks ago I signed a rookie to be my lead off hitter. She was a hot prospect (literally) and did excellent in training camps. She had all the right things going for her and eagerly signed a short term deal. (I hope your following this: so we had gotten passed the "just hanging out" phase and were getting on to the breaking point in our relationship, the point where you just have to talk about "each other". We were not exclusive yet but we could both tell that the decision point was close at hand.)

I could tell earlier in the week that something was on her mind and that our contract needed to be renegotiated. So being the just manager that I am I made plans to sit down with her on Friday night and work out the details. But rookie had other plans. (I am going to be in and out of the analogy here so try to keep up.)

Thursday rolls around and she asks me if I would like to go for a walk with her (ya, I know, a "walk"). Naturally I say yes and prep myself for possible situations and things that could come up about "us". Let me insert some vital information at this point - the whole time we had been "courting" I felt deep down in the depths of my stomach, you know, the dark place where emotions have no voice, that our "contract" was not going huge. She probably wasn't going to be the girl that took me to the 'ship. I can't explain that emotion, but I enjoyed being with her anyways and we were winning some games together, so to speak. Who doesn't like to cuddle and hold hands and such? Exactly. I was ready to commit to her had be a one girl guy if she was willing to do the same in regards to me. If not, then I was ready to move on. I wanted it all, or nothing at all (thanks O-town).

As we get to talking she lays it all out. (Ok, so now rookie is the pitcher and I'm up to bat). I know what pitches she has; fastball ("I just think we are moving too fast..."), change-up ("I just think that we should still date other people"), and curveball ("I'm just not interested in a relationship"). Or, she could lob it up there softball-style and for me to hit out of the park (= boyfriend/girlfriend). But rookie does something not only unexpected, but darn near illegal! She throws me a spit-ball (a spitball is illegal because it gives the ball an atypical and unpredictable movement and is near impossible to hit). And this was no ordinary spit-ball either, this was a split-ball/bean-ball combo!

She says, "I'm in a relationship with another guy."

I go to flinch out of the way but know the ball is coming straight for me.

"Did I just get played?" I ask myself. I did not see this one coming. It gets better in a worse way.

"He lives in Indiana."

And down I go. Hit in the Lower House of Parliament, the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, the toolbox, the frank and beans. You get the picture. Rookie signed a contract behind my back with our analogies equivalent of the Japanese league. But oh, it gets better in a worse way.

As she describes the way this "other guy", shall I say, assumed that they were already in a relationship (over facebook of all things!), I come to realize that he kind of forced her to be in an exclusive relationship with him. He sounds socially inept and desperate at that. Never has a rookie made such a rookie mistake as this rookie did. She is confused about "them" (wouldn't you be too if the negotiations were in Japanese?!!) and just needs to "figure things out" she says.

That's fine. I understand bigger and better deals come along. It is only right to take advantage of those deals. But a) behind the managers back and b) with the "foreign league"? Goodbye, sayonara, zaijian, au revoir, adios.

So now it appears that I am building my team from scratch again. Let this one thing be known, the 4 S's just got changed to the 5 S's, indefinitely. "Single" just made its way up off from "honorable mention" to the big leagues. Congratulations.

-Genghis

The 4 S's

1. Spiritual: must have a strong testimony.

2. Spunky: has a great personality and you have a lot of chemistry together.

3. Smart: this is not so much about GPA as it is about having a good head on her shoulders; has common sense.

4. Smokin' hot: you have to be attracted to her.

Honorable Mention:

5. Single: not only is she not dating someone else, but she also doesn't have a missionary she is waiting for.

6. Sustaining: another way of saying she is a good nurturer (see "The Family: A Proclamation to the World").

It's All About the Ring!

Let me just start by saying I love playoff baseball and I also love talking about baseball. It is only fitting that with the League Championship Series about to get underway, we extend our baseball analogy (see the post entitled "Take Me Out To The Ballgame") to the postseason. Last night, I had an apostrophe, maybe an epiphany. Whatever it was, lightning struck my brain. Miraculously enough, it didn't hurt (that was for anyone who loves the movie "Hook"). But before we get to the real reason for this post, the "ring", we to define some new terms in our baseball lingo to give context to this new interpretation of an old concept.

The World Series: Winning the World Series is the ultimate achievement in baseball. It doesn't matter if how great or poor your regular season play is if you are able to make the playoffs and win the World Series. As a manager you are trying to get the right combination of elements together so you are able to make a run at the title this year. You don't want to wait for next year or consider this year a "rebuilding year". It isn't enough to just play in the World Series, you have to win. Sure it may be a great atmosphere to play in a World Series, but let's face it, nobody remembers the loser as they fall in to the same category as the other 30 teams who didn't win. You may look back with fond memories and think "that was a great push to make it to the playoffs and nobody thought we would make it as far as we did". However these fleeting thoughts are quickly replaced by the overwhelming memory that you didn't win.

Translation: Happy marriage in the temple for time and all eternity. A relationship that ends any other way is settling for something other than the greatest award there is.

The Rookie: A hot new prospect new to the Major Leagues who has the promise of becoming the face of the franchise. All teams would actively pursue such an amazing up-and-comer because they know that having a rookie with such talent is hard to come by and can lead to a long and successful career. Unfortunately, most rookies with such endowed with this skill level have agents whose only concern is setting their client up for big money in the future. Contracts are often pricy but not too long, giving the rookie a chance to jump teams and secure an even bigger and longer contract. There is more focus on the individual rather than the team. And since the rookie is at the beginning of their career and consequently they feel they have their whole career in front of them and don't need to worry now about winning a World Series. But there comes a point when you have to move on past the rookie and recognize that there are some drawbacks about rookies. Namely their inexperience and lack of practical knowledge of playing in the big leagues. That is why veterans can also be appealing because they have some savvy about how to win and has a stronger desire for a championship than for personal accolades.

Translation: Girls who are awesome, outgoing, fun to be around, easy to talk to, etc. Essentially, they are a freshman girl who attracts lots of attention from non-freshman guys. She isn't so concerned about getting serious because it is more exciting and adventurous to have five guys trying to fight over her valuable spare moments, be it during the week or on the weekend. By contrast, the veteran is a girl who is less concerned playing and just having fun and is more concerned about being and finding the right guy.

The Ring: In addition to hoisting the World Series trophy high over your head in front of thousands of screaming fans, each player on the team that wins the World Series receives a customized ring (see the Angels ring above). It is constant reminder that you won it all and nobody can take that away from you.

Translation: Let's be serious here, if you don't know what the ring is I have only one suggestion: go listen to Beyonce's song "Single Ladies". The ring is the symbol that you won and are married to the woman of your dreams. She is yours and you are hers and it is the ultimate sign that you are the world champion of the dating game.

So remember next time you step up to the plate, it's all about the ring.

-A.T.H.

Apartment Date #2

For the record:

Zupas + "homeade" cookies and brownies + electronic version of life + eating cookies and brownies and drinking milk + watching "Amazing Grace" = Apartment Date #2

Are you guys close?

I went to dinner earlier this evening at an old mission companion's house. There were some other RMs there as well, most of which are married. I brought along a girl that I've spent a lot of time with this past week. Obviously we aren't at the point of exclusively dating each other yet, but things have been going pretty well.

Anyways, one of the RMs there was an older missionary that I never actually met when serving my mission. About the middle of the evening, he looks at me and my date and asks "so are you guys married?" Taken aback, I froze and then quickly responded, "no." Without a moment's hesitation, he had a follow-up question for me: "Are you guys close?" I froze yet again. I didn't even have time to think before I found myself jumping forward with a response: "no!" I'm not sure if everyone else noticed me breathing heavily. A better answer might have been "Oh no, haha, we're just good friends for the time being . . . " or something of the sort. But no. In the awkwardness of it all, I jumped the gun with a passionate and resounding "no."

I don't really mind. Who asks that anyways? I don't even know the guy!

"Are you guys close?" Well we're definitely not now. Thank you for making my date feel uncomfortable.

Love ya--bye!

As is customary, when saying goodbye to close friends and family on the phone, I might say something like this: "Great talking to ya. Love ya! Bye!"

There was a stretch of time earlier in the week when I talked to a bunch of people (as mentioned above) that would constitute me ending the conversation with a casual, yet sincere, "love ya."

Shortly thereafter, I called a girl. Now this girl, you see, is one that I have been on a date with, hung out with multiple times, and ya--I think you are picking up what I am putting down. Anyways, she didn't pick up the phone, so I had to leave a message. I began with nothing big, just the normal "hey, how's it going, hope you're having a good day, etc. etc." I stated my purpose in calling. And then I closed: "Well, hope all is going well. Talk to ya later. Love ya--bye. Uh! I mean! Habit from the mission. Uh . . . I gotta go! Bye!"

The Callback

This last week on Friday I was talking with my lead-off hitter. If you don't know what that means, please see our "Take me out to the ballgame" post. We were in the same building and had just finished up what we each needed to get done and were both heading home. As we made our way out of a building and just as we were about to head out the door, some other guy called out her name. She said "hey!" and stopped for a second. I didn't know the guy and thus hesitated to see if she was going to stick around to talk to him or just follow behind me out the door after a quick hello. She gave a follow up comment and I made a quick judgment call to just leave, knowing that I’ll see her next week. While walking out the door, she said, "See you" and I said, "Bye”.

Within probably 30 seconds of exiting the building, I heard a girl call out my voice and I turned around to see her coming after me. She asked why I just took off and I told her about how I was just caught off guard and didn't quite know how to respond and expected her to stick around and catch up for a minute. She mentioned to me that she wanted to just say hi but didn't feel like she could do so because she was going on a date with him later that night. Not wanting to have me get discouraged (as I see it), she quickly mentioned that she doesn't really like him like that but she felt like she couldn't really say no. We walked a little further until our paths split and we each went our respective ways.

Although this isn’t a major breakthrough, it is still nice to get her chasing after me and it is definitely a good sign that she mentioned to me that she would tell me she was going out on a date but wasn’t interested in the guy. There’s a reason she is batting in the lead-off position.

-A.T.H.

Why did you call me?

Her: "Hey what are you doing tonight?"

Me: "Well I'm just finishing up my eating my blizzard. As of right now, I don't have any big plans. I do have a paper I need to work on."

Her: "Oh that sounds fun."

Me: "Oh you know it. What are you doing tonight?"

Her: "One of my guy friends from back home is in town, so I'm hanging out with him tonight."

Me: "How exciting."

Her: "Ya I am really excited."

silence

Her: "Well enjoy your blizzard!"

Me: "Thanks--have a good night."

Her: "You too!"